Our life unfolds before us
memories gathered, moments combined
taking our eyes off the present to view our past
Stories, dramas, decisions…
choices paving the way to who we have become
Growing and learning
experiences accrued along the way
loves, loses, tributes or tumbles
those we embrace or those we avoid
even those we have excommunicated
all hold a place, leave a mark, on who we are
Separated and viewed singularly
like pages in a book
all these small pieces of us…
pieces flowing into one another
our decisions and actions of today
shape the choices of tomorrow
As we look back through the chapters
viewing the story of our life
fold down the pages of successes and joys
save the “what if’s” for the positive impacts
look at the impressions we had on others
What if we were not there to change those lives?
These are the things that matter!
these are the paths we want to keep marked
these are the images to keep alive
the parts of us we want to always share
the true making of a best seller!
For just a few moments during the holiday season,
with all the festivities and celebrations,
I can’t help but reflect…
Some life changing moments, although they pass by
so swiftly, impact us deeply throughout our life.
Even after decades, a lifetime ago, I can’t help
but wonder… how would things be different?
How many lives changed, but for the turn of a wheel?
One stupid moment in the name of fun. A young life
flung to the side, the impact crushing so many dreams.
Avoidance, anger, or alcoholic amnesia!
We each dealt in our own ways. Time healed,
scabs form and fall away. Others can’t help
but pick at the past, ripping sores open again
and again, causing a lifetime of pain and scars!
Life goes on whether we like it or not.
Move on with it… or a part of us dies, locked
away in the shadow of yesterdays. Emotions stuffed
deep, never seeing the light of day, constantly
feeling on the emotional level of when walled away.
Sitting and pondering another second or two
A single flower and prayer placed in remembrance.
Stopping time just to reminisce…
A giant smile, a gleam in the eye,
the bounce full of youthful excitement.
All the laughs and lies and loves at sixteen
briefly brought back to life this time of year.
The sadness of loss, a splintering of friends,
a long ago life casts a temporary shadow…
shaped by the bright lights of the holiday season.
The emotions grow as the day gets near
For some it’s expectation, for others it’s fear
Christmas carols, decorations and lights
In some houses it’s abuse and fights
Boys and girls with big, bright eyes
But plenty more sedated or serenaded with cries
It’s not all joyous, this time of year
Depression and pain, but don’t dare shed a tear
Christmas carols or crying for a meal
Holiday specials or a frightening ordeal
Season’s Greetings or the yelling begins
Decorations and lights or alone with their sins
No presents this year and nothing to give
What kind of way for any child to live!
Dark empty corner where the tree should be
The only loving contact was a fake Santa’s knee
For every soul who loves the Season of Lights
Many hide in the shadows, only themselves held tight
Holiday joy or a Season of Sorrow
While some gather and rejoice, some won’t see tomorrow
A season for family or families living in woe
Gratitude and joy or awaiting the final blow
Wreaths and garland or empty and alone
The Joys of Christmas or another reason to groan
There has always been an emptiness
A place where a piece of me seems missing
a longing for understanding
or at least a connection
A chance to know someone missing from my life
Being part of a splintered family
raised by two loving parents
but never getting to know one of those
responsible for your birth
creates a cavern of un-felt feelings
This cave, a place of unconnected love
creates echoes, as emotions bounce
off the hardened parts of my heart
filling the emptiness with phantom feelings
knowing reality and perception are unaligned
And now, as this part of me, my blood
fights, then fails to draw life-giving breath
those sympathy pains of unfulfilled love
become aligned through actual loss
phantom feelings for the mother I barely knew