Gray, black, white, silver
the constantly changing consistency of pattern
herringbone wool with texture and style
giving warmth to the wearer
and comfort to all of us
Whether sitting atop the full round face
holding the thick dark pompadour in place
or capping the thinning skull of the aging man
colors matching the gray and black of mustache and sideburns
the Irish tweed Trinity captures the persona of the man
The comfort in the fit, the way it defines the curve of the head
framing the symmetry of the face and the set of the eyes
remained constant while the body of the wearer wore away each day
familiar feels of relief from the proverbial old hat
acclimatizing us all to what was not
As someone who’s been with us forever
reaches the point when they no longer are
the inanimate takes on life
gives us comfort and peace
even now, when the hat resides boxed in a drawer
For just a few moments during the holiday season,
with all the festivities and celebrations,
I can’t help but reflect…
Some life changing moments, although they pass by
so swiftly, impact us deeply throughout our life.
Even after decades, a lifetime ago, I can’t help
but wonder… how would things be different?
How many lives changed, but for the turn of a wheel?
One stupid moment in the name of fun. A young life
flung to the side, the impact crushing so many dreams.
Avoidance, anger, or alcoholic amnesia!
We each dealt in our own ways. Time healed,
scabs form and fall away. Others can’t help
but pick at the past, ripping sores open again
and again, causing a lifetime of pain and scars!
Life goes on whether we like it or not.
Move on with it… or a part of us dies, locked
away in the shadow of yesterdays. Emotions stuffed
deep, never seeing the light of day, constantly
feeling on the emotional level of when walled away.
Sitting and pondering another second or two
A single flower and prayer placed in remembrance.
Stopping time just to reminisce…
A giant smile, a gleam in the eye,
the bounce full of youthful excitement.
All the laughs and lies and loves at sixteen
briefly brought back to life this time of year.
The sadness of loss, a splintering of friends,
a long ago life casts a temporary shadow…
shaped by the bright lights of the holiday season.
There has always been an emptiness
A place where a piece of me seems missing
a longing for understanding
or at least a connection
A chance to know someone missing from my life
Being part of a splintered family
raised by two loving parents
but never getting to know one of those
responsible for your birth
creates a cavern of un-felt feelings
This cave, a place of unconnected love
creates echoes, as emotions bounce
off the hardened parts of my heart
filling the emptiness with phantom feelings
knowing reality and perception are unaligned
And now, as this part of me, my blood
fights, then fails to draw life-giving breath
those sympathy pains of unfulfilled love
become aligned through actual loss
phantom feelings for the mother I barely knew